Five steps on how to be single…

Oh you’re still single?

Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone soon!

But you’re so nice!

You’re so old.

There must be something wrong with you.

How do you do it all alone!?

 

The big question.. “But are you happy?!”

Like you can’t possibly be single AND happy. And I won’t lie, there’s obviously times where I’d love to see this world with someone who loves me romantically by my side, but after almost 7 glorious years of being single, I can honestly say that I am happy and that’s all life is really about, right?

 

It’s funny the pressures that the world and your own self put on relationship statuses (read my thoughts on being single gal from three years ago here). You genuinely do have days where you think there MUST be something wrong with you, like finding real love might NEVER happen.

 

But after much thought, many frog kissing and many, many (pretty funny and story worthy) mistakes I am proud to say that I am now a master of being single.

 

So, for all you guys and gals who are sitting at home, questioning whether you’re the problem and fretting way too much about when that big ‘life changing’ love will walk through your door (and for myself in times like this), here’s how ‘people like us’ can be our own life changing loves;

 

1. Find out what you want and what you NEED.

Dating and spending time alone are the two best ways to learn about your expectations and needs when it comes to love, sex and relationships. The majority of dates will be fun filled moments with tonnes of life lessons and the more you date, the more you’ll learn! And as you spend other days truly by yourself, reflecting on your past experiences and learning about who you are, you’ll realise the difference between what you want and what you need, and how to recognise the things that are honestly good for you. This is the luxury of being single. Go out and date people, go out and date yourself, explore everything and try it all.

 

2. Be honest.

I’ve learnt to start saying exactly what I want. No longer do I go on dates and say phrases like “yeah, I don’t want anything serious either”, “No, it’s fine I don’t mind!”, “Sure, let’s keep this on the down-low!” what a load of poo. When you like someone a lot, or when you’re feeling these relationship pressures, it’s SO easy to push yourself aside and just go along anything. But going into anything that starts with lies or dishonesty always ends badly. Obviously. Once you know what you want, be honest with that and with yourself. Respect yourself enough to tell someone when they’ve upset you, when things are not okay and when you’re just not on the same page.

 

3. Focus on yourself. Invest in yourself. Love yourself.

Realise that living life by your own terms is not selfish. People are spending longer being single and taking the time to do what they want in life now. And you deserve everything good and possible in this world! Pamper yourself, treat yo’self and learn to love yourself. I’m currently sitting by the water with Hong Kong in the background, I’ve just ordered my second coffee and I just ate amazing pasta. All alone. And it feels. so. good. It’s hard to remember to actively love yourself, to give yourself attention and kind words like you would to others, but it sure does feel good when you have it figured out. You’ll always deserve that.

 

4. Be patient and don’t chase. What’s meant to be will find its way.

I spent so many years chasing after people who loved the idea of me and the person they thought I was, but it was never enough for them to actually invest in anything serious. After travelling a lot and only having brief encounters, my ideas of love and commitment were altered to lust, settling for less and chasing unhealthy connections. Man, did I learn the hard way. If he’s not texting you, take it as a sign. If he’s not seeing you, move on. Take all of these signs and excuses and be brutal with it. If the other person isn’t like f*ck yes, then let it go. Make boundaries, respect yourself (and them) and know that there will be someone who is better for you.

 

5. Make glorious mistakes and live wildly.

One day, someone will come along and change your life as you know it. So enjoy it all now!! Be fearless, do things alone and travel. Ask a guy out first, see the world with your best friends and take your own damn self out for dates. Life is for living and being single means you’ll probably have less responsibilities and can do whatever the f you want, when you want and with who you want! And once you start, you won’t know any different. I love my time alone and NEED it to keep myself inspired, sane and productive. Chase your curiosity, do things that scare you and live your best life.

  

My life is filled with endless love and as I grow older, my life of freedom just gets better and better. I learn more and more that happiness is something that I create for myself, and that actually, it’s going to take someone pretty amazing to sweep me off my feet. I appreciate me and my life SO much. No-one knows you better than you do, learn about yourself, love yourself and make your own incredible life until someone comes along and fits with all that you’ve created.

 

Peace and love people! Go live yo best single lives 🖤

Vanisha

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Follow my adventures on Instagram at @vanishamay

 

Read some more of my lurrrve and relationships blogs here;

https://vanishamay.com/2018/08/10/a-lonely-girls-guide-to-being-alone/

https://vanishamay.com/2017/02/19/physically-turned-on-emotionally-switched-off-2/

https://vanishamay.com/2018/07/03/dating-in-china/

Finding home.

 

This year, I’ve found it challenging to define the word ‘home’. After travelling year upon year, with endless amounts of moves, I couldn’t be further from finding ‘my place in the world’.

The last five months, I’ve been living back in my hometown. And most people in the small town that I grew up in have lived in the same four walls for all their lives. I’ve had a total of 6 addresses just in that town alone. On top of that, I’ve spent a year of my life from my backpack travelling Asia, South America and unpacking my bag for a few months in China and Mexico. And more recently, I made my move to London where I stayed for 3 years under 3 more different addresses. And now I’m back ‘home’ but I’ve never felt so unsettled. *update I’m now back in China where I’ve semi-settled, found a new place, have a daily route to work and now have another home address. Deep breath*

So, in my head (and to you), I’ve been trying to work out what and where ‘home’ is. What does home really mean? Have I come home? Do I have to build a home in just one place? Is home even a building? Is it a place? Is it a feeling? Or a person? (I know, cliché). Where is my place in the world and why am I struggling so hard to find it?

And you’re probably thinking why it’s so important. What on earth is she talking about now?! But seriously (when I was writing this over the Christmas period when families are supposedly all gathering in their ‘homes’ to spread joy and festive love) I couldn’t help but wonder that this word that people find so much comfort in, this word that’s meant to mean everything, the word we go to when we’re lost or run to for safety. What if someone doesn’t have this word? What do they have? Where do we go? I’m doing all the running, in fact I constantly have one foot out the door, why can I not just bloody settle? *and these thoughts caused me so much anxiety at the time I started this blog but it’s always in the back of my mind as I travel and try to find new places to be. The idea of being ‘lost’ and the pressures to ‘find your place’ can be overwhelming ok. Hence my brain going into overdrive*

Perhaps it’s because in my hometown I feel surrounded by ghosts of people that I left in my past, and memories that I don’t want to revisit, and versions of me that I don’t want to remember. My hometown will never feel like a home for me. And I think that’s the same for lots of people. You never know what people have to go home to. Home isn’t always a happy place. It’s not always safety or comforting. Home can be something we run from.

Or perhaps it’s because I’ve travelled and moved too much. Maybe settling will never be an option for me and that might be okay. I can’t think of one place that I’d want to spend even 5 years yet alone my life. Maybe I just haven’t found the right ‘home’ yet.

Or maybe it’s because home is a feeling. A few months after I started writing this and I’m in a strange place of between. But I’ve come to more of a conclusion now and feel a lot less anxiety lol. Home is a feeling. A feeling of familiarity, comfort and safety. A few months ago, I thought my childhood and choices in life meant I’d always have the feeling of instability and lack of safety, but, it might not be so bad. Maybe I’m still hunting for my ‘home’, someone to share this beautiful life with and he’ll remind me it’s not the about destination “it’s about the journey Vin”, he’ll say as he commits to a lifetime of journey-ing around the world with me…

Right now, for me, I feel at home in many countries, with many people. I walk around my new city in China and feel familiarity and warmth in people, like the last time I was here was four days ago and not four years. Every day I look forward to the day I’ll fly back to Mexico, the home of Mision Mexico and the people whose lives are still joined with mine. It’s the feeling after a Skype session with my loved ones then seeing them and hugging them after months of being apart. I’ve been on the run around the world leaving parts of myself everywhere. And now, my place in the world is all over the world and that is such a blessing. My home is in me and in my people.

Some food for thought and it’s a good watch!

Ever felt lost or need a chat? Give me a shout!

Have a fab day and follow my IG adventures @vanishamay

V

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p.s miss you kiss you huns and fam ♥️

8 Steps to healing by Vanisha May

My 8 steps for healing.

It’s funny, when I think about the person that I was one year ago, it’s as if I’m thinking about someone that I used to know very well. And six months ago, I had never felt so lost and far away from everything that I thought I was. But today, when I look in the mirror I see someone going through growth and change, and I’m really grateful and excited to know that I’m becoming someone different. But the change and growth can be super scary, extremely personal and uncomfortable too. Piecing together the parts of your life that have caused pain and hurt whilst trying to understand how to make peace with it all can be overwhelming and messy. It’s easy to bury it all under a rock, but I’ll tell you now that it will come back to haunt you one day. Embracing the vulnerability and finding ways to overcome all the heaviness in your heart is brave, and the most honest thing you can do for yourself and your life. And trust me, it will all be worth it.

 

So, in classic Vin style, I’ve been doing lots of research, reading and self-therapy, and here are my 8 steps for healing;

  1. Conversation

This sounds simple but talking about what you’re going through is really difficult and brave. You’re probably thinking that people don’t care or won’t understand, but it’s usually quite the opposite and extremely crucial for you. You have to talk about what you’re going through because it helps bring understanding, different views and even answers for you and those around you It’s definitely the first and biggest step. Talk to a friend, family member, counsellor or even braver, the person who might be involved in your hurt. “Those who keep silence hurt more” – C.S. Lewis. Be honest with yourself. You got this.

  1. Be open to change and necessary pain

Sometimes things hurt and it feels like you’re stuck in a black hole that you’ll never get out of. To heal and grow, you have to get to the root of the problem and you might dig deep into things that you thought you’d got rid of and buried. But this is great. Those who experience pain more, experience growth more and love more. Be open to feelings of sadness and hurt for that means you can see it and understand it, and know that you’ll get through it. Life never gives us anything we can’t handle.

  1. Welcome your ghosts then wave them goodbye

Understand that without darkness, there’d be no light. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. People and experiences can cause both pain and happiness. And understand that just like you, things grow and change and nothing ever stays the same. So, make a note on paper or in your head of the things causing you pain and the lessons you think you learnt. That ghost that is ruining your present should be left in your past. You experienced it, you learnt from it and now make peace with it. Let it all go.

  1. Surround yourself with love and joy

Basically stop engaging in negativity and remove yourself from anything that threatens to disrupt your peace. Humans need other humans so, find your people and love them hard. Do things that you love, with the good people that you love and choose positivity and happiness every goddamn day. Because you deserve it and you can have it.

  1. Mindfulness

Live completely in the now and practise mindfulness. If you’re not sure what that even means then do some research in google! But basically pay attention to every single thought and feeling you may have, and just accept it all with no bad or good judgements. There are exercises you can practise that help get rid of anxieties and help balance your mind. Meditation, breathing exercises and appreciation all help. Check out this little list here and try it https://www.developgoodhabits.com/mindfulness-exercises/

  1. Invent and invest

You are the main character in your life ALWAYS. Take a second away from all that energy you give to other people and focus on you. What do you want from life? Who are you? And what do you love? Be creative, explore every option and find your meaning in life. Then bloody go for it! You can be whoever you want to be right now. Invent yourself and invest in yourself.

  1. Do good to feel good

This is a straight forward step and really helps you move away from your comfort zone as well as literally helping yourself and others. Doing good really does make you feel good. So do something good today, for someone else, without reason or agenda. Not only will you feel of use and happier, but karma will love you and bring you more good.

  1. Healthy body = healthy mind

This is so important! Everyone’s on their vegan or veggie tings, and the “hey let’s juice all our foods and lift weights with joe wicks” stages, but there is some sense in it all and it’s great to see so many people eating clean and binning society’s disgusting habits of fast food and dangerous health risks. Eating well and exercising really does lead to a healthier life and mind. I personally love Pilates and have really enjoyed HIIT too, try new classes and see what works for you. Aim for ya 5-a-day too, it’s not a myth, but will genuinely make a difference. There’s so much online – ideas, recipes, weekly routines. Just go for it all.

 

And, that’s it lovers! Below is a little reading list that I’ve put together, check them out. And of course, everyone is different and you’ll find your own ways through whatever it is you might be feeling. But growth is great! It means that you’re changing, developing and not stuck in the same person that you have been. You’re learning and accepting things don’t stay the same, including yourself. Love the flow of life and embrace every growth you experience. This will be the first of many! Enjoy it.

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  • The Art of Happiness, The Dalai Lama
  • Everything I know about love, Dolly Alderton
  • You can heal your life, Louise Hay
  • Becoming: Sex, second chances and figuring out who the hell I am, Laura Jane Williams

10 steps to the best year yet!

YAY! It’s finally 2018. Which usually means nothing to me. I’m not one to shout around “new year, new me” but this new year is an exception. This new year has come at a time where I’ve needed change and a reason to change more than ever before. This new year, I’m all about new focuses, new hopes, and perhaps not a new me but, a bolder, fiercer and better me. And I can’t bloody wait for it all. So, in line with a ‘new year, new me’ comes my New Year resolutions. Here are my 10 goals/resolutions/guidelines for 2018 which I hope may spark some inspiration and oomph for all of you who may need it too 😊

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  1. Do good for your own good

I recently read that being kinder was one of the most life-changing New Year resolutions for anybody to practice. One small deed a day could change a life, including your own. Go out of your way to do something positive in the world like helping a stranger or volunteering. Not only will you be doing good, but you’ll automatically feel good too.

My goals:

  • One deed a day.

Tips: Buy flowers for someone, cook for your family, plant a tree, volunteer, smile at a stranger, campaign more.

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  1. Healthy body

This year I vow to try it all. Yoga, karate, gym, eating less meat, and getting my 5-a-day. Living a healthy life isn’t just about losing weight, but also about being physically fit, and giving lots of love to your body, plus it’s all better for the planet.Last year, I climbed Machu Picchu mountain and it was bloody hard! This year, I want to climb a mountain with less struggle. And it’s also true, a healthy body brings a healthy mind and life, hence resolution #3…

My goals:

  • Join the gym (which I done today, yay)
  • By the end of the year: to feel physically better, lose extra rolls, gain body confidence
  • Climb a mountain

Tips: Join the local gym, make a food plan, walk more, try a new class, buy fresher food.

  1. Healthy mind

My mental health took a bit of a bash in last year, so, this year I vow to do all that I can to move away from that place and into a better, healthier and more positive mindset. A healthy mind leads to a healthy body and a healthy life. You’d be a fool not to invest so much into your own self and mind.

I’m going to measure this by –

  • breaking unhealthy habits and placing them with good habits like nail biting (caused by stress and is abso rank) –> Reading, painting, writing (de-stress, get clever, get creative, keep the hands busy).
  • De-cluttering my life, selling old clothes, and living more minimally (check out the documentary on Netflix – Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, it will change your life!). I’ve recently wiped my iTunes too and started fresh with the music and things I listen to everyday. It feels so good to start fresh and get rid.

Tips: Cut down alcohol intake, adapt a better sleep pattern, regulate the time that you spend on social media, write a diary, exercise.

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  1. Know your worth

The tough times from 2017 left me feeling like I was not worthy of being loved, like I didn’t deserve the truth and that people thought it was okay to treat me like sh*t. The lessons I learnt from this? Some people lie, cheat, and will find all sorts of ways to hurt you. That’s life, and that’s them. It’s not a reflection on you. It does not mean that you are not enough, or unworthy or are undeserving of ever being treated well. Not everyone has the same heart as you, and the way people treat you reflects them, not you. YOU ARE A QUEEN. Or a King. And you’ve done incredible things, and you’re an amazing person, and probably achieved a lot more than these people ever will. So, forget them, treat yourself well, find peace, give yourself a break and trust yourself so much that you can erase anyone who thinks it’s ever okay to break any part of you (pep talk to myself right there!).

Tips: This is obviously hard to measure but I’ve just bought a book called You can heal your life by Louise Hay which is dedicated to helping you find your own self-worth, love and acceptance. I’ll let you know how it goes… and if in 6 months time you find yourself erased from my life, sorry not sorry.

  1. Give, give, give! But not to them…

My career and life are both spent giving, which is fine considering I volunteer and have dreams of being in the humanitarian sector. But, does that mean everyone deserves all that I have to give? Ha-ha no. One of the toughest life lessons is knowing when to stop giving. Know the difference between someone who needs, deserves and cherishes the time, attention and love that you give, to someone who is fully taking advantage of you. In 2017, people drained me from all that I had to give until I felt empty. This year, I’m taking all of that back and giving it all to myself and the people who truly appreciate it all, whilst laughing in 2017’s face.

Tips: volunteer, spend time with my loved ones, spend time with myself

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  1. Be bold, be brave and never stop dreaming

The path to achieve my dream job is a long and messy one. It requires years of unpaid volunteer work, which means years of savings to back me up. Hello 2018, my year of money making and saving (made challenging due to my needs of being far away). So, I’ve made the bold and brave decision to move to China, I’ve signed a year-long contract and will be leaving soon to start the next chapter of my life. It doesn’t always have to be so extreme, but never stop chasing your passions. There’s endless amounts of discovery and ways to achieve your dreams.

My goals:

  • Move to a new country
  • Save money to volunteer

Tips: JUST GO FOR IT. Life is too short. Be brave. Go for it all. And realistically, create a savings account, do some research, plan your steps.

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  1. Try new things

Ever seen Jim Carrey in Yes Man? My goal is to be him this year. Obviously not literally, and only to a certain extent, but I want my year to be filled with “oh wells” and “why not’s?” rather than “what ifs”. I want to try everything. And I won’t be scared to fail, which is a lesson I learnt thanks to my great pal, 2017. But, to keep it realistic, my goal is 10 new things. From saying yes to a new food to visiting a new country to trying a new gym class.

My goals:

  1. Joined a gym!                          6.
  2. New job in China                   7.
  3.                                                    8.
  4.                                                    9.
  5.                                                  10.

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  1. Feed the brain

This year, I also vow to keep learning. I want to read more books, I plan to re-start my mandarin, I’d like to blog more, and I want to fill my brain with new things from all over the world. Educate, learn, be productive and stuff the brain. It’s all possible and easier than ever. You’re never too old, or too young, and it’s never too late.

My goals:

  • Update my website and blog more
  • Buy new books to read
  • Cut down Netflix and learn Chinese </3

Tips: Make lists of things you’d like to achieve for daily, weekly and even yearly. Find a book genre that you’re in to, or even watch more documentaries! Research things and never stop asking questions.

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  1. Stay motivated

It’s so hard to stay on track and be inspired when you’re stuck in a rut and life seems to be going wrong on every level. BUT, it’s so important. In 2017, I lost so much focus and inspo that it completely messed me up. Until I found it again. I started reading again, making my lists, getting organised and finding ways to motivate myself again. And now I feel on top form. But just in case…

My goals:

  • Surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you
  • Make lists (like this one) to track progress and give reminders

Tips: Make a power playlist that makes you want to run the world every time you listen to it, remind yourself how phenomenal you are, think about all the greatness you’ve yet to achieve.

  1. LOVE YOURSELF

If you didn’t get the jist already, my 2018 priority is me. I’ve grown, and I’ve changed, and I fully choose myself. All the love, happiness and kindness that I so freely gave out before, I’m giving to myself. Why? Because self-love is the most important kind of love. Because I am going to smash 2018. Because I deserve it all.

And if you’re reading this, you probably deserve it too! Love yourself and love your life HARD. Make some goals, get inspired and make 2018 a wonderful year for you. I am too excited for it all.

Cheers! Here’s to me, you and 2018 🎉

Vanisha

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Follow my twitter and instagram @vanishamay

25 things I’ve learned in 25 years

So, while you’re all sleeping, or partying or whatever it is you get up to on a Friday night, I’ll be turning 25 (yay!?). And although it seems like I’ve truly hit my quarter-life-crisis stage, there’s no denying that I have had a wild and very interesting 25 years so far!

 

From moving countries, to graduating with a first and realising my passions, to living by myself, and volunteering around the world, to passing my driving test, and experiencing so much of the planet and the people on it. I’ve had such amazing highlights considering the first few years I was in nappies!

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But of course, there have been not-so-fun times like bad jobs, bad travel experiences, a sad childhood and meeting a good handful of bad people! So, after 25 years of living, walking and talking, here are my 25 things I’ve learned in 25 years…

 

  1. Fortunes favours the bold and the brave

Doing things that scare you will benefit you. Netflix and chill is great but you’ll have nothing to look back on if you just sit indoors doing the same old. Do something that scares you once in a while. My best experiences have been my biggest life changes, they were risky, scary and completely new to me, but they changed my life for the good. Take that risk. Be bold. Be brave.

  1. On love…

5 things under my life lessons on boys… (and I’m still learning, and I could go on!) 1. Actions speak louder than words. If he says he likes you but only makes the effort to see you once a month on a night-out, then get rid and do better. 2. Love doesn’t last forever and neither do the sad times. 3. Find someone who loves your mind just as much as they love your body. 4. Most boys aren’t worth your tears. Learn to let go and realise when things aren’t meant to be. Don’t text back and don’t text him. There’s better to come! 5. Always have hope. I’ve had my fair share of absolute jokers, but I do believe (just about!) that there is such a thing as a good, and single man. Wherever he might be.

 

  1. Be an enthusiast!

There were a few times I doubted how much I loved everything but talks with my best friend made me realise how special it is that we just love everything! The littlest things make me so happy and it takes a lot to bring me down or make me even slightly sad. Being negative and hating everything isn’t cool and actually affects your outlook on life. Life is full of exciting things! Live positively. Celebrate it. And don’t be afraid to show it.

 

  1. Travel

The world is an incredible place full of beauty and wonder and non-stop exploring. I’ve had no regrets about spending most of my adult life savings and spending time on travelling. It opens your mind, heart and life to life-changing experiences and people. Travel is always a clever idea.

  1. Trust yourself and your abilities.

When I was at school, I never thought I was smart enough or capable of going to university or even doing A-Levels. So, I didn’t until 4 years later when I was braver and more hopeful. And I graduated with a first-class honours degree with 3 years of high marks and good assignments. Trust yourself more. You are capable, and you can do almost anything if you just put your mind to it.

  1. Always be grateful.

We are extremely fortunate for the lives we have. If you’re reading this, that means you too. Cherish it all, the ups, the downs, the bad and the good. Life is an absolute gift.

 

  1. Be open to anything

Live life with open arms, an open mind and an open heart. Just because something is new, doesn’t mean it’s dangerous or bad. Just because you’ve been hurt before, doesn’t mean you’ll get hurt again. Be open to the unknown, you’ll miss out otherwise!

 

  1. Giving is better than receiving

“True compassion lies in what you can do for someone else” (Olivia Benjamin). You never know the impact you might make on somebody and their life. There’s always room to give and ways to give. You can give your time, spare change or a smile. Knowing that I can help people and give my love and life to them in so many different ways, brings me an abundance of happiness and purpose.

  1. Love

Life is all about love. The times I had the least love and gave out the least love were my unhappiest times. So, learn to love yourself, love this life and seriously, ‘love thy neighbour’. We all need love and the world needs more of it!

 

  1. Be kind always

People appreciate my kindness. And I remember when people are kind to me too. It makes a huge difference to a soul, to receive kindness, no matter how undeserving that soul might be. I’m leaving this now to Roy…

 

“A random act of kindness, no matter how small, can make a tremendous impact on someone else’s life.”

 

“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.”

 

“Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness in people.”
― Roy T. BennettThe Light in the Heart

 

  1. The importance of following your dreams/ doing things that matter

Find your passion and fully go for it. Finding your purpose and doing something that matters with your life is the best feeling ever. Even if it could take years to fully achieve that dream, it’s so good to know that you’re on the right path. I’m fortunate to have a dream that could really make a difference to the world and to have the opportunities to pursue it. Never give that up.

  1. Have patience

Patience truly is a virtue. There’s going to be times in life where you want to lash out or where you have little time for the person in the queue in front of you, but being patient is one of my best learnt attributes and has helped me so much in life. Luckily, it takes a lot to test my patience and because of that, I can put up with an awful lot without it affecting me!

 

  1. Be good to you

Mentally, physically and emotionally. Be good to your mind and your body. And if things aren’t okay, that’s okay too. It’s okay to be sad and down in the dumps sometimes. Relax. Stop and take time for yourself. I definitely learned that one this year!

 

  1. You are who your friends are

Every friend brings something different to your life. I’ve recently learned that. I’ve got a great bunch of gals that really bring out the best in me and make me realise what’s important, and who I am. If you don’t have good friends, then bun them and go make some better ones. Good friends are good for the soul.

 

  1. Educate yourself at every opportunity

“Everyone knows something that you don’t” and whether you’re 7, 25 or 89, there will always be something to learn about. Education changes lives and minds over and over again. For westerners reading this, it may seem trivial, but my education is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m so blessed to know all that I do even if my maths skills are still pretty shocking.

 

  1. Quit

I spent almost two years in a job that I hated every single day. My biggest lesson from that was that I should have quit. Hate your job? Quit. Don’t like where you live? Move. Not happy with life? Change. Unhappy in love? Leave. Things change, feelings change, and life goes on. That includes yours. It’s okay to quit if it’s not right.

 

  1. Be curious and ask questions

You’ll never know unless you ask! And never be afraid to ask. Asking questions expands your mind, gives knowledge and gives power. Ask that guy for his number, ask your mum for help and ask for a bigger promotion. Just ask.

 

  1. Being authentic

Social media is a small snippet of highlights in people’s lives and the example I’m gonna use for now. Don’t compare, don’t feel pressure and be true to you always. Trickier today with the role of social media etc, but a big lesson I’ve learned is that it’s okay to admire other people, however, they are not you and you are not them. And you are amazing so just stick with you.

  1. Read more books

There’s an endless amount of knowledge and excitement that comes from sheets of paper. I barely read until about five years ago and some of the books that I’ve read since have made me laugh, cry, hope and change the way I think completely. Seriously, go to the library or click on amazon and get a book today.

 

  1. Unplug and switch off

Put your phone down and look at the world around. Or read a book. Or have a real conversation. It’s so easy to get hooked on our electronics that sometimes we miss what’s happening around us. Scrolling through Instagram all night won’t improve your life. Go get inspired.

 

  1. Work hard

It’s good for your employer, it’s good for you and it’s good for your bank account. If you hate your job and you cba every day, then quit. Go find a job that you love then work hard at that. And stay humble about it too.

 

  1. It’s okay to say no/ stop saying sorry

I’ve learned to say, “thank you so much for waiting” rather than “sorry I kept you for so long” because there’s just no need to apologise for every little hiccup in my life. Plus, I’m not always sorry! Similarly, I’ve learned to say no more often. Not because I’m a mean person, but because it’s okay to not say yes and do everything all the time for everyone. In fact, I could probably say no more!

 

  1. Be as wild as you want, but be wild

Life is short. Tell your loved ones you love them often. Go skinny dipping in the Philippines. Order that double cheeseburger. And jump out of that bloody plane. I know too many people who regret the things they haven’t done in life. I have no regrets, I’ve done everything I’ve wanted so far and intend to carry on that way. Dare to be wild. YOLO.

 

  1. Be conscious

Before you speak, before you buy, before you do lots of things, ask yourself; will this improve my life? Will this benefit others? Think of the planet, consider people’s feelings and think of the consequences of your actions. I could definitely improve some things in my life still, but I hope I leave a more positive mark on the planet than a negative one!

 

  1. Smile! And be happy

Do whatever it takes to live a life that you’re proud of. Do things that make you happy. And if you find that you’re not happy, change it. And always smile. Smile for your exes, smile to a stranger, and smile because you’re alive.

Thanks for reading as always guys! My blog is another big achievement and something I used to be scared about, but I love writing and I love you all for reading it!

So, thank you!

Vanisha

X

 

Follow me on instagram @vanishamay

What’s the point in positivity? 

“You’re so happy all the time!” “You’re always smiling!”
These are my favourite kinds of compliments because it’s exactly the kind of person I want to be, and I’d like to think there’s power in positivity and being a happy person (10/10 cheesiness scale, I know!). Also, it would make no sense for me to go in to my dream jobs with any other kind of attitude. I want to work with people in crisis, conflict and poverty, people who perhaps aren’t feeling so positive and rightly so, because for so many, life can be cruel, scary and unfair. It’ll be my job to fill their lives with hope, positivity and hopefully some kind of happiness. Can’t do that being Mopey McMoperson now, can I?

But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about positivity, and something somebody said to me once about how it’s not normal to be so happy, and how not everything has a positive side. Which is partly true (and partly poo).

Of course, I’m fully aware that life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. I’m not a robot. I feel other emotions too, like every other person on this planet. Ignorance makes me angry. Hearing people eat makes me mad. I hate being ignored. And more serious things like the fact that half the world are obese and the other half are starving to death, makes me extremely angry and unhappy a lot of the time. The world is full of inequality, and people who actually voted for Donald Trump. The world can be a stupid, stressful place for sure. But this is why I say screw you to anyone that tries to dump on my positivity. Life’s hard enough, let me try at least.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place” – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr

 

And I congratulate everyone who fights every day to be more positive, and who choose the good over the bad. Congratulations for not letting your heart turn to stone.

Choose to be positive and happy because there’s hope. Hope that if today isn’t so good, tomorrow will be better. Hope that for every sad moment, there will be happier moments. Hope that for every Donald Trump, there’s a Mother Teresa. And that’s all so much better than being angry at the world, people, or yourself. There’s a point in positivity. Plus, life is amazing, we’re completely blessed, and you probably deserve happiness every single day (depending on who’s reading this lol) jokes. We all deserve happiness.

So how can you try to be more positive?
Here’s five top tips!-

1. Surround yourself with positive people. Sounds simple but it’s difficult to realise how much someone might be affecting you and dragging you down. Tell them people bye and find better.

2. Enjoy the little things, and do more of what you love. Bake a cake, paint your room, grow a plant (lol generic list of things to do that I do none of! Idk what you like ok), find your passions and take time out for yourself to invest in them.

3. Identify the negativity and try to turn it into something positive. Things will make you angry or upset, figure out why. How can it be changed? Can it be changed? And if not, learn to let it go.

4. Have hope. Life is a long time. Most things in life are temporary, feelings, situations, people. Not every day can be a bad day.

5. SMILE! And make other people smile. And laugh. Laugh every single goddamn day.