Guide 101 to fuckboys

As single people in a modern-day world with new ways of dating and new terminology, times can be tough. We live in a time where it’s easier to have five relationships on the go at one time, where you can break up with someone over Facebook, Instagram, email AND text message, and where finding love, connection and decency gets harder and harder even though we have millions of options at our fingertips.

And we’ve all heard of fuckboys… man oh man. Although pretty harmless and just generally underdeveloped, they are the kind we avoid dating at all costs. But, what exactly is a fuckboy?

BBC Radio 5’s Dating Expert Layla explains that; “a fuckboy (or fuckgirl) is basically someone who brings misery, stress, heartache, pain, deception, lies, hurt to the people that they’re romantically involved with. So, it’s when they have absolutely no degree of empathy or ability to protect the people that they’re seeing. You know, they don’t necessarily always go out there to hurt but they don’t care whether they do.” – Layla.

or…

A person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t bout shit.

— bretb

A Fuckboy is the type of guy  who does shit that generally pisses the population of the earth off all the time. He will also lead girls on just for hook-ups, says he’s really into you but doesn’t want to deal with all the “relationship bullshit” just to fuck you. He thinks about himself and only himself all the time but pretends to be really nice. He also does really fucked up shit and then complains about people who do the same old shit as him. Once a fuckboy always a fuckboy, because fuck boys ganna be fuckboys.

— youngsnaps

Lol I love urban dictionary sometimes. But we are in an epidemic my people. Completely surrounded.

How can we spot the signs and save ourselves some time?

8 signs he’s a fuckboy

  1. He tells you straight up that he’s a fuckboy. There’s a difference between being a fun and single person enjoying people and life, to being someone who openly wants to use and disrespect the people around them. Choose wisely… Tell him to seek help and run for the hills.
  2. He’s all ‘no-labels’, carefree, takes things slow kinda guy. He says he’s into you, he’s not seeing anyone else, loves everything about you, but just isn’t ready for a relationship. Just wants everything that comes with a relationship… And is probably seeing someone else… Then when you confront him, he can say “well, we were never really together” Hm.
  3. He tells you that he wants to travel the world with you then after you have sex, he only texts you after a night out… and when you do go out, because you will go meet him, does he ever even buy you a drink? Does he even offer you a pillow? From one extreme to the next so quickly… willing to woo you then leaving you dry.                  You have a great start with flowers, morning texts, meeting the friends. Until one day you didn’t. And it’s all on his terms. Did you ever have a say in anything?
  4. He’ll have BAGS of confidence. Even if what they’re saying isn’t even remotely interesting. Even if they’re not saying anything. Fuckboys think they’re the shiiiiiiit. It’s in their DNA.
  5. He’s probably investing or planning a start-up. They love themselves, money and the ideas of creating something completely whimsical and “spontaneous” for their future. They think it helps to pull. In reality, their future, work life and income are probably a little unstable. Just like they are.
  6. He lies. You know the honeymoon period when you’re both just so into each other and everything’s exciting and you just want to know more and more about this new person? Well fuckboys aren’t interested in really getting to know much about you.

And when you call them out for their bad texting? A missed date? For being a general jerk? They apologise. HAAAAALLLEUJAH. You think he’s finally realising! He’s sorry and he’s taking responsibility. The 16th chance commences. Later on, do you realise that he apologizes more than he compliments and actually it’s just routine rubbish coming from his mouth…

7. Their communication is just generally off. Maybe they have an inability to answer your questions straight up, bouncing back with another question or perhaps they just love beating around the bush. They’re trying to be cool and mysterious, but stuff doesn’t add up and it leaves you questioning them more than you should be.

8. They rarely date, or the dating period ends quickly. Quick into your situationship, it’ll only be ‘dates’ at his place. Maybe he’s got a fridge full of food at his place? Or maybe even a new spot he wants to check out with you…. Underneath his place…. Bye bye to taking you out in public.

These boys don’t know how to treat you right because no-ones probably properly called them out. OR maybe they’re just stuck in their bubble and they think their game is working for them. Who knows? You can meet someone from Tinder, meet none of their friends, not really know anything about them or their lives, be completely screwed off and this guy can just delete you and disappear. The audacity of modern-day dating. There’s no accountability or care and thus they carry on.

How to stop being a fuckboy

Know that people can have fun, love being single and enjoy having sex but there’s a line. There’s a point when it stops being fun and feelings are hurt and if you don’t have much positivity coming from your experiences, then you’re probably deep into being a fuckboy. If you’re reading this and thinking ‘wowww how the shoe fits’, then learn something, grow and become a better person. You got this! And leave us alone until you’re all good.

How to get away from a fuckboy

Know that you’re not his mum. You’re not his healer. Read the signs, don’t ignore the red flags and get out away from that toxicity. Their self-worth probably comes from getting girls and that’s all. They got real issues. And you’re worth so much more than that. Stay woke, don’t make excuses or think you can change someone. Break them bad habits. You’re not the exception to the rule and we’re busy people. Get a real actual project that you can successfully complete. He is not it. Say “this could have been nice, but you’re not ready. Go get therapy” and move on until you meet someone who is ready to be a good person to you.

Sending peace and love to you. Go live yo best fuckboy free lives 🖤

Vanisha

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Follow my adventures on Instagram at @vanishamay

Artwork by @violetclair