Life in China

So, I’m officially more than 6 months in to my latest adventure of living back in China and life is flying by. Some days it feels like I’ve just stepped off the plane, and others it feels like I’ve never left. China can be a crazy country, that’s for sure, and I still see things that make me mutter ‘wtf’ under my breath, but let’s be real, coming from a small town in the countryside of England, most places around the world will seem daunting and strange!

 

          People ask me, “Why China?”, and to most people back at home, it seems like a ridiculous choice where everyone eats dog and the government watches your every move. But actually, China is a fairly easy country to live in (once you get the hang of chopsticks and you get past the visa process all you brits). And for the first time in a while, I feel pretty settled.

 

 

But what’s life really like? Here she goes…

  1. I’m surrounded by cheeky little monkeys

Chinese babies and the children in general are of course, the first things that come to mind when I think of China. THEY SO CUTE. The kids are potty trained by the special pants that they wear, so you’ll see lots of little chubby children walking around with their saggy baby butts out, and it’s SO CUTE. The kids I work with are cheeky, funny and pretty darn clever. Their lives as Chinese children aren’t always easy and there’s lots of societal and family pressures, which is why I admire them every day for learning a second language that’s so different to their own. Something I can’t manage to do….

 

  1. I’ve fallen back in love with my hobbies!

China is full of surprises and life in the mega city of Shenzhen is completely different to my village life when I was here 4 years ago. There’s a huge art area, as well as a huge mix of cultures and different events, which has meant painting classes, salsa and dance lessons and meeting people from all around the world who all have similar interests as me. Having the time to do the things I love and being around like-minded people makes me happy and is so good for ma creative soul.

  1. It’s super safe

There’s not many places that I can walk around at 4am, home from the club with my headphones in, phone out and not be looking over my shoulder, but here in China. It’s one of the safest places I have ever been. Overall, crime levels are quite low as repercussions are so severe. Which great news for us girl travellers where safety is always a concern! The Chinese sense of community and culture has meant that I’ve never felt threatened or even uneasy around pretty much anyone.

  1. I ❤ people

Culturally (and in many other ways), the Chinese are quite different to us Brits, and people still do things on a daily basis to shock/annoy me. BUT when you get to know each other, they’re some of the most hospitable and welcoming people who just want to help you, feed you and make you happy. I even have my regulars! Regular dumpling man, regular bread guy, regular BBQ couple, friends behind the bar, you get the jist, it’s the little comforts that make you feel at home! Shenzhen also has a big international community, which has meant that I’ve made some great friends from all over the world, including here in China. And they all love KTV. They’re not a bad bunch.

 

 

  1. My diet of dog…

Not gonna lie, I miss Chinese takeaway and lots of other food because, believe it or not, Chinese food in actual China is so different to Chinese food back at home. The things I’d do for a chicken ball…. It’s not all bad though, they do eat some bizarre things here, but overall it’s generally healthy, there’s an abundance of fresh fruit and veg, and in my city, there’s a tonne of Mexicans, Italians, Indians and delivery places to eat from. And I found good cheese and chocolate! What more could you need?

  1. Learning Chinese is hard but it’s okay

It’s not a language you pick up quickly, actually, it takes a lot of practice and learning, especially when you don’t really need to use it so often. I get by with the use of hand gestures, minimal language and all my fab apps like translator, maps and translator. HURRAH TO 21st CENTURY LAZY LIVIN. But I love living in a country where no one understands you and where you don’t always understand them either.

  1. Shenzhen is fab

The city itself is only around 30 years old, and home to over 10 million people already. It’s super green, clean and modern, and just across the border from Hong Kong! Travel is super cheap, you can ride the metro for like 30p and the buses for 20p. Amazing. You can buy dinner for £1 and there’s mountains here, the sea, huge skyscrapers, you can bike everywhere and there’s so much to see and do. It’s a nice place to live fo sho.

 

 

  1. China has it all

They have cheap buses, high speed rails and cheap flights which means travelling is so easy and you can see and do so much around the country. From huge modern cities like Shanghai and Hong Kong, to rural rice terraces in Guilin, pandas in Chengdu, fishing villages, the Avatar mountains and Inner Mongolia, you literally can get sun, snow, mountains and beaches, and everything in between! The country is pretty impressive.

  1. Life is sweet

The Western media and outside views on China are as usual, mostly skewed. It’s not all bad air, over-populated spaces and scary harsh laws. In fact, I live really comfortably here, the skies are blue most days (with the exception of typhoons lol) and although there are many rules, people here make their own, and you know what? It works. China, thanks to modern day technology and apps, is one of the easiest and most comfortable places I’ve ever lived and been in. Sure, it’s a culture shock if you’ve never been to Asia, but generally speaking, life here is pretty sweet.

 

       Of course, it’s not all smooth sailing, but nothing worthwhile ever is, right? It’s far from home and always a risky decision to just up and leave. It’s not where I want to spend the rest of my life but I’m definitely happy here at the moment and that’s worth something. If you’re thinking of packing your bags, I’d say, GO. What’s the worst that could happen? That you hate it and decide to head back home? Be brave and live wildly wherever you may be my huns. And if I still haven’t persuaded you, then at least come and visit me here in China!

 

Get in touch if you have any questions about travelling, living abroad or China!

And catch my adventures on IG @vanishamay

祝你有美好的一天

Vanisha

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Tips for living in China:

  • Download A VPN before you arrive. China’s Government blocks most things that we use (IG, Facebook, Google), so be sure to unlock your phone and get a VPN. I use ExpressVPN 🙂
  • Do your research and don’t get scammed whether it’s with your visa, housing or shopping.
  • Use WeChat for everything. It’s the Chinese version of WhatsApp but 10x better. I pay my rent, find out about events and talk to my friends all in the same app. They’re one step ahead of us.
  • Salaries can be higher and cost of living is lower which means China is a good place to save money if you’re smart about it.
  • Make use of the places around you within China and visit the countries around too! Flights and transport is pretty cheap, and you have to try a sleeper train!
  • Have fun, eat the street food, prepare for squat toilets and don’t drink from the tap huns.

 

For more travel related blogs, check out what it’s like dating in china, my top 10 fave countries ever and many many more in that travel section up the top! Enjoy!

 

Dating in China

Once upon a time, in lands far far away, there was a princess. After travelling every corner of the earth and kissing many-a-frog in search of her handsome, clever, bilingual prince, the princess found herself slowly losing hope in her big love adventure. Until one day, in the exotic lands of South China…

 

Dating in a foreign country. Sounds exciting right? And the big quest for love! Ah….

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I imagined that foreigners here would have similar mindsets and experiences as me, with exciting dates filled with stories of adventure, passion, excitement and rides home on the back of a vespa.

Wrong country. But you get the gist. Travel romance is meant to be just like in the movies!

And it is. Sometimes. But as I’m writing, I’m afraid to say, this princess is still very much solo.

 

First lickle problem; everyone knows everyone. All expats and foreigners hang out in the same two spots of my city which means that dating becomes almost incestuous.

China dating lesson number 1: look smoking at all times. You will bump into people at the worst of times. On other dates, at the bar, in the lift…

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Secondly, China is a bit of a limbo land for people. Those on their gap years or the lost souls filling in time (I’ve now been both…fab) and people trying to earn business bucks in an easy-ish to live country. Expats hearts and minds are not so aligned with mine. Not here anyway, and not that I’ve met yet anyway.

China dating lessons number 2: Expats and travellers are two v similar, but different things. Do. Not. Get. Confused.

 

Whilst travelling, I’ve met all sort of people from all cultures, walks of life and backgrounds. The guys I’ve dated from the expat community in China are like no other group I’ve been around. Narcissistic, entitled and uninspiring. Sounds harsh and just plain unfair right?!

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It also doesn’t help that my mandarin sucks, and I’m not fully attracted to Chinese men. So, very limited options over here (which Tinder reminds me of when it runs out of people to search for me every five minute) leaving me so full of hope…!

 

I’ve written about dating/travelling life before (like this one here) but never like this. I am about to give you the 411.

FYI, all names have been changed to protect identities and stories are slightly tweaked to add humour to what otherwise might seem a completely disappointing and sad series of events whilst travelling and finding love. It’s not all so bad my huns but it’s deffo worth a story or two!

 

Let’s start with Jay. Claimed to be a lover of art, coffee shops and all things ‘edgy’.

Went on a date to the art district and all he said was “if the art moves me then it moves me”…  Turns out nothing in life really moved him.

China dating lessons number 3: If someone refers to themselves as edgy, then they’re probably completing the opposite.

 

Then there was Arjun. He was older, well-travelled and quite interesting. At last!

A classic example of someone trying so hard to be ‘individual’ that unfortunately, he was like many people I’ve met before. The opinionated, self-entitled, arrogant, the-world-owes-me-everything-and-I-owe-nothing type of man.

China dating lessons number 4: Never date someone with hair longer than yours, who turns up at the club in 30 degrees heat wearing a Macklemore fur coat and nothing on underneath. Then hits on your colleagues and makes a joke about it afterwards.

I genuinely hope he finds happiness in life and himself one day.

 

Then came Darren. Also claimed to be a ‘creative’ person who loves poetry and travel. We spent our short lived days eating dinner together, watching Netflix and bickering like an old married couple.

Turns out he was also very full of the talk, drama and all-right bizarreness; a running theme here in China!

Like the time he said he was too busy to ‘fix us’ (quote by him a month after meeting), because he was going house-hunting in the Philippines. Sounds exciting right?! An excuse I’ll let you have.

Way to impress!

Except he’s never been to the Philippines, has never bought property, and never even booked the flight or left the city that weekend…

Way to impress…

China dating lessons number 5: People will say anything and everything to impress you, to fill silence, to be people they are not. Actions always speak louder than words my great ppl. 

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Then there’s…

Joe – Basketball player who texts ‘just hitting you up, wyd tonight?’ every now and then. Makes memes of his own face.

Rob – Lives 2 hours away. Thanks Tinder.

Mo – Leaves in a month. Invited himself to stay on my coach on our first date. That date never happened.

Javi – Owns a pizzeria and doesn’t understand people who never travel. Has no interest in pizzas and has barely travelled.

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Dating in China is, well, quite hilarious! And I sound like a serial dater! But, there you have it. It’s exhausting right? Three months in and full of stories already.

 

And as you might know, dating can be tough at the best of times, but in a country where your options are limited and them options are pretty dire, there seems no hope….

 

But there is hope! More lessons to be learned (and re-learned). A note to me from me:

  1. Actions speak louder than words. Especially need to remember when said person has a lot of words. Being in the presence of some of these guys reminded me how much I do for myself and the things I can make happen. Alone. I’m all action, not words. You don’t wanna be with someone who drags you down, un-inspires you or leaves you to do all the work.
  2. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your gut and stop forcing things (even if he’s the only Latino guy you’ve met in months).
  3. If the conversation is all about him, he doesn’t even ask how you are, and he’s fully aware of it, then just say ‘thanks’ and leave. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Not in England, China or Timbuktu.
  4. Never stop trying! I laughed whilst writing this because it’s all quite funny, but it’s all part of travel and life. You never know who you’re going to meet or what you’re missing out on unless you try and put yourself out there. Do it for yourself and do it for the lols. I’m putting it all in my experience box.
  5. YOU ARE FAB. All on your own. And you are enough. One day you’ll meet someone who’ll have real stories to tell just like you and love every single inch of your crazy life and self. Until then, carry on doing great stuff in this world.

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Nine more months to go. Who knows what life will bring me next?! I’m full of hope… and in the meantime will carry on enjoying my life to the very max and filling it with all different kinds of love, frog kissing and passion! You go do the same too.

 

Stay tuned to find out more and follow my adventures on IG @vanishamay

Have a fab day my loves! Thanks for reading.

V

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International Women’s Day 2018

Today we celebrate International Women’s Day 2018 and this year we also celebrate The Year of the Woman. And we carry the movements of #TimesUp, #MeToo, #HeForShe and many others around our world as we see women capturing headlines and rising up, demanding for change. But why is this so important still? Why are we still fighting for change? And how are half the humans born on this planet still facing lives of inequality and injustice? These are questions we hear on a daily basis, so I hope, whoever and wherever you are, that this piece will bring you the knowledge, inspiration and the power to act now. Because the #TimeIsNow. Let’s #pressforprogress.

International Women’s Day is a day for everybody. Yes, everybody. It’s a day to look at our progress, our future and our current successes. And I don’t want to write a long-winded serious essay today so I’m just gonna give you guys a few facts, a list of women that are inspiring me today, and a lil empowerment for you all to take in.

I hear more often than ever the confused question of “but women are equal now?”. And, we have come a long way, it’s true. Thanks to the Pankhursts and tonnes of brave women who have been fighting for the last 100 years and since, well, forever, us women in the West are reasonably lucky. From the hills of Hollywood to the women in the workplace, women are finding their power and using their voice. But we are still not equal. And the women in the developing countries that exist around us are living in situations that we can’t even begin to imagine. Situations far from safety, far from luck, and even further from equality.

So, we fight on. And it’s not just women. For all you guys who are still reading but questioning your place in this global movement, this is for you too. For all the gender stereotypes, for equality for ALL genders, this is to smash that glass ceiling and bin the ideas around blue is for boys and crying is for girls. For everyone who identifies between the binary, this day is for you too. Because we all deserve a fair and equal chance in life filled with love, safety and opportunity.

A big problem surrounding gender inequality is poverty. Did you know that we can eradicate global poverty if we achieved these two words? Gender equality. Because poverty is sexist. 70% of the world poorest people are women. If we educated more girls, less girls would die at childbirth, less women would experience domestic abuse and violence, and more women would be able to push their family out of poverty, therefore breaking both cycles that threaten millions of people worldwide. The goal is 2030. Are you with me?

So, what are the facts? Why are we still fighting?

  • Because out of the millions of human trafficking victims, you’ll find 8 out of 10 of them are females.
  • Because women are more likely to be victims of rape and domestic violence than from cancer, war, car accidents and malaria. This blows my mind.
  • Because 250 million girls alive today were married before their 15th This is worse for girls as they are more likely to die from childbirth, more likely to be victims of abuse and violence and less likely to receive education than they’re male counterparts or if they were married 5 years later as adults.
  • Because in the US, women earn on average 78 cents for every man’s dollar.
  • Because we all know Ed Westwick, Donald Trump, Ben Affleck, Harvey Weinstein, Dustin Hoffman. These men of power, status and money have all had allegations of harassment, sexual assault and sexual’ misconduct made against them. And they’re just a few names! Imagine how many more there are, how many names we’ll never hear still.
  • Because half the world is female. Because it affects the most privileged white woman from the US, to the poorest Asian woman from the Philippines. That should be reason enough.

And here are my people of the year…

  • Gloria Allred. I actually had no idea who this woman was until a few weeks ago when I watched her documentary on Netflix (called Seeing Allred) and became in awe. She’s a modern-day heroine whose name is behind some of the biggest headlines of our year, yet her name is not celebrated or even well-known. Allred is a woman’s attorney in America, fighting especially on high profile cases that victimise and twist the rights of women. Cases against Weinstein, O.J Simpson and Donald Trump. She takes a lot of stick, but due to her own experiences and passion for justice, Allred fights on and is truly a force to be reckoned with.
  • Angelina Jolie. We all know her, we’ve all seen her movies but not everyone knows what she’s up to today. She’s my inspo in so many ways. Of course, she’s great in films, and we’ve all seen her grow and mature through them all, but her best work is the work she does for humanity. Jolie has used her fame and platform to do good, speak up and invest in those that need it the most. What a woman. She works for the UN, LSE, helps refugees, women and children, and has also directed the incredible movie First They Killed My Father, which you can also find on Netflix!
  • Nazra Akter is an advocate for women and worker’s rights in Bangladesh. She’s worked in sweatshops from the age of 13 and has experienced hardship, abuse and inequality in the workplace. So, she started a women’s union party and continues to fight every day for the safety and lives of women. Women like her make our t-shirts, socks and trousers. It’s time women and their work were given more recognition, respect and money than our clothes. Our fashion industry is full of sexism, inequality and absolute horrors. I’m currently researching and writing about it but you can start by signing this petition; https://act.careinternational.org.uk/letter_garment_factories
  • Me and you. We have the power and platform to be just as incredible as these three women (we could give it a good go anyway!). The world needs more activists and feminists. These shouldn’t be scary, demonised words. They are brave, bold and life-changing. Encourage it, encourage yourself and encourage everyone around you. Can we achieve gender equality by 2030? Not without me and you. Are you with me?

IWD 2018 is all about being brave, standing up for what’s right, becoming everyday activists and taking action into our own hands!

Whether you’re young, old, male, female, black, white and everything in between know that

you are valued

you are loved

you are worthy

you deserve respect

you deserve to be heard

you can change the future,

you can change lives and

you can start today.

Are YOU with me?

Have a great day. Go kick some ass. Let’s change the world.

Vanisha

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So, how can you join me? –

Sign a petition:

https://www.one.org/us/take-action/poverty-is-sexist/

https://act.careinternational.org.uk/letter_garment_factories

Listen:

Listen to women. Trust us. Believe us.

Speak out:

Whenever you see an injustice, a threat or any form of inequality, call it out and use your voice. And use your voice anyway! Show ya support. I wanna hear you not just today, but every day.

Support:

There are so many people and organisations that you can follow and support today. I’ll give ya these to start with…

– Mision Mexico

– Care International

– UN women

– Humanity Unified

Live out your activism:

Let the fight for equality go beyond just statuses and today. Make an effort to make it a real part of you. You’re a life-changer.

And support me!

I’ll be doing a fundraising event in April for March4women, follow me on social media to see how you can support that and keep up to date with me and my ramblings @vanishamay

** art by @thisisaliceskinner, check her out too!

The Aziz Ansari Case: Sex, consent and common misbehaviour.

CONSENT.

What does that mean to you?

The Aziz Ansari case is why I’m up late writing today. Moving away from the poorly written exposé (click for the original here) and whether the account was true or not, I want to focus on why this story really matters. I want to focus on the root of the problem and how our society is failing women and men, all of which is evident in the reactions of this story. I am so sick of people missing the root of the problem. The whole bloody point is CONSENT (or lack of!) along with the normality and ignorance of common misbehaviour.

And it’s funny because so many people are reading her side of the story and wondering what all the fuss about. People cannot believe that he might be losing shows over something so bloody trivial like a ‘date gone wrong’. So, what if he seemed a bit eager, a bit too aggressive? They’d had a few drinks at his house, she stuck around, she coulda called a cab earlier? A scenario so common that it’s almost too easy to brush it aside because behaviour that is so common, a scenario that so many of us can relate to, is the whole reason that this story highlights how big of an issue consent, sexual assault and the misuse of power is. Something so serious should not be so common.

Life is not a porno. There is no situation where you can sneak into someone’s room, insert yourself in their body while they sleep, and not be violating their human rights. There is no situation where it would be okay if a girl starts by saying ‘no’, but you brush that aside, cos she might not be serious right? and tempt her into sex anyway. There is no situation where if you slide your hand up a girl’s skirt on the dancefloor and assume she’s gonna love it. Why are we still going so wrong in society? Where our behaviour is mirroring what we see on the TV and there are people who think it’s acceptable to be treated like that in 2018 without a full, clear, enthusiastic, big fat given consent?

The New York Times have just released an article headlined “Aziz Ansari is guilty. Of not being a mind reader”. Because when you’re in a situation where someone is forcing themselves on you, celebrity status or not, it’s kinda hard to scream out NO. Because we live in culture where men use sex as their power while women are still not fully heard in life, yet alone in the bedroom. Because the obvious, foundation and bottom line of consensual and therefore enjoyable sex, like asking “you sure you cool with this?” and hearing an enthusiastic “YES give it to me”, is non-existent in this scenario and many others.

I’m actually appalled at Bari Weiss and The New York Times for releasing the shameful article (which you can read here). Let me share one of Weiss’s thoughts that she had whilst reading the story, so you can understand why we still have a disgustingly huge problem in 2018…

“If he pressures you to do something you don’t want to do, use a four-letter word, stand up on your two legs and walk out his door” – Bari Weiss, letting down humanity at The New York Times

Thanks for that tip hun. I’ll take that into consideration for next time…

  1. “If he pressures you to do something you don’t want to do?!” WHY is he pressuring me into doing something that I don’t want to do?! What is going wrong in his and her way of thinking that we’re even starting the sentence off with that scenario?
  2. That if played back on CCTV, we could see more clearly where the lines may be crossed but, men are so apparently unaware of their actions that they’re unable to read basic body language and use their own ears?? Should men be excused from reading social cues or do we need to work on their ability to be able to read another human beings body?
  3. Bari Weiss, have you ever been in a situation where you are not in control? When your whole body shuts down because you can’t believe this could be happening, so you physically can’t walk out his front door? Where your ideas of this person being someone that you liked, someone that is respected, someone who you thought liked and respected you too, were completely wrong and now he’s violating that trust with your own body? Where you are not strong and confident enough to shut a man down? When it’s 4am and dark outside, and you feel obligated and under more pressure to stay. Not because you want to, but because you’re there now, and it’s 4 am and it’s dark outside and society tells you not to be “one of them girls” and you’ll be leading him on, giving him mixed messages, when actually, an invitation to his house does not mean an invitation to my body.

Another one that made my whole soul ache was ‘The humiliation of Aziz Ansari” by Caitlin Flanagan in The Atlantic. She writes…

“Eventually, overcome by her emotions at the way the night was going, she told him, “You guys are all the fucking same,” and left crying. I thought it was the most significant line in the story: This has happened to her many times before. What led her to believe that this time would be different?

  1. Haha well Flanagan obviously has no hope in mankind, the one thing we have in common. Because we should just expect men to treat us like that? Because it’s happened to her before, so she should behave better? Because we should give up all hope now and assume that every story will lead to an ending where we are not in control of our own bodies and rights? Because he’s not to blame and she should have known? And that makes it all okay?

Flanagan ends her article with…

“I thought it would take a little longer for the hit squad of privileged young white women to open fire on brown-skinned men.”

  1. I’m not a privileged young white woman hun.
  2. And you’re a fool to turn this important conversation around to race. This is not about race. The colour of your skin does not define whether you can mistreat, abuse or assault another human being. It’s not his skin colour that is problematic in this situation and he is not being called up on it because he is brown-skinned. He’s being called upon his actions because he supposedly forced her hand on his dick 5-7 times, whilst she expressed her discomfort and cried all the way home as a result of her whole experience.

Women should not carry the burden of getting ourselves out of dangerous situations. There should not be any dangerous situations in the first place. Men need to start taking full responsibility for their actions. And questioning whether their partner said ‘YES’, and whether she is in a fit and able situation where she feels comfortable or bloody conscious enough to say ‘YES’. There should be no ‘if he pressures you’ or ‘if you’re in a situation like this’ because otherwise we are failing to address the safety of women and the bottom line of his actions and CONSENT. And I’m fully aware that I’m talking as a female and that men do suffer sometimes too, but the reality is that women suffer so much more. Whether you want to hear it or not, women are usually the victims and men are usually the perpetrators. And this needs to change.

Even if Ansari’s alleged actions are not criminally wrong, the story suggest that our society is a mess when it comes to sex. Thanks to porn, clubbing culture, music videos, college culture and machismo culture, boys are taught to treat girls with disrespect, like toys to play with, like objects where a ‘no’ is taken as a challenge. Whilst girls are still unsure whether they can speak up, we sit and take it, wondering if it’s the right time to say no, scared of feeling frigid, and concerned about whether he’ll call you back otherwise. This is not normal or okay behaviour on both parts. We must break these damaging and heartbreaking social norms.

When will it end? Do we need paper consent forms before we have sex? Do we need to challenge our every thoughts and actions? This story, the #metoo movement and all our other smaller stories are so important and a great start, but it is 2018 and it is still not enough. We need conversation, we need justice, we need support and we need change more than ever.

What are your thoughts? As someone who has experienced loving, consensual sex, one-night stands and an experience worse than Grace’s alleged story, it’s the reactions and words of others that have come as a result of hearing her side that have hit hardest with me. It’s a tough subject with many grey areas but there’s something seriously wrong with the fact that so many women can raise their hands and say #metoo

You can check out my related blogs about sex and the hook-up culture here:-

Physically turned on, emotionally switched off. A little look at hook-ups…

Man Up? Man Down

Vanisha

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Instagram and twitter: @vanishamay

10 steps to the best year yet!

YAY! It’s finally 2018. Which usually means nothing to me. I’m not one to shout around “new year, new me” but this new year is an exception. This new year has come at a time where I’ve needed change and a reason to change more than ever before. This new year, I’m all about new focuses, new hopes, and perhaps not a new me but, a bolder, fiercer and better me. And I can’t bloody wait for it all. So, in line with a ‘new year, new me’ comes my New Year resolutions. Here are my 10 goals/resolutions/guidelines for 2018 which I hope may spark some inspiration and oomph for all of you who may need it too 😊

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  1. Do good for your own good

I recently read that being kinder was one of the most life-changing New Year resolutions for anybody to practice. One small deed a day could change a life, including your own. Go out of your way to do something positive in the world like helping a stranger or volunteering. Not only will you be doing good, but you’ll automatically feel good too.

My goals:

  • One deed a day.

Tips: Buy flowers for someone, cook for your family, plant a tree, volunteer, smile at a stranger, campaign more.

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  1. Healthy body

This year I vow to try it all. Yoga, karate, gym, eating less meat, and getting my 5-a-day. Living a healthy life isn’t just about losing weight, but also about being physically fit, and giving lots of love to your body, plus it’s all better for the planet.Last year, I climbed Machu Picchu mountain and it was bloody hard! This year, I want to climb a mountain with less struggle. And it’s also true, a healthy body brings a healthy mind and life, hence resolution #3…

My goals:

  • Join the gym (which I done today, yay)
  • By the end of the year: to feel physically better, lose extra rolls, gain body confidence
  • Climb a mountain

Tips: Join the local gym, make a food plan, walk more, try a new class, buy fresher food.

  1. Healthy mind

My mental health took a bit of a bash in last year, so, this year I vow to do all that I can to move away from that place and into a better, healthier and more positive mindset. A healthy mind leads to a healthy body and a healthy life. You’d be a fool not to invest so much into your own self and mind.

I’m going to measure this by –

  • breaking unhealthy habits and placing them with good habits like nail biting (caused by stress and is abso rank) –> Reading, painting, writing (de-stress, get clever, get creative, keep the hands busy).
  • De-cluttering my life, selling old clothes, and living more minimally (check out the documentary on Netflix – Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, it will change your life!). I’ve recently wiped my iTunes too and started fresh with the music and things I listen to everyday. It feels so good to start fresh and get rid.

Tips: Cut down alcohol intake, adapt a better sleep pattern, regulate the time that you spend on social media, write a diary, exercise.

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  1. Know your worth

The tough times from 2017 left me feeling like I was not worthy of being loved, like I didn’t deserve the truth and that people thought it was okay to treat me like sh*t. The lessons I learnt from this? Some people lie, cheat, and will find all sorts of ways to hurt you. That’s life, and that’s them. It’s not a reflection on you. It does not mean that you are not enough, or unworthy or are undeserving of ever being treated well. Not everyone has the same heart as you, and the way people treat you reflects them, not you. YOU ARE A QUEEN. Or a King. And you’ve done incredible things, and you’re an amazing person, and probably achieved a lot more than these people ever will. So, forget them, treat yourself well, find peace, give yourself a break and trust yourself so much that you can erase anyone who thinks it’s ever okay to break any part of you (pep talk to myself right there!).

Tips: This is obviously hard to measure but I’ve just bought a book called You can heal your life by Louise Hay which is dedicated to helping you find your own self-worth, love and acceptance. I’ll let you know how it goes… and if in 6 months time you find yourself erased from my life, sorry not sorry.

  1. Give, give, give! But not to them…

My career and life are both spent giving, which is fine considering I volunteer and have dreams of being in the humanitarian sector. But, does that mean everyone deserves all that I have to give? Ha-ha no. One of the toughest life lessons is knowing when to stop giving. Know the difference between someone who needs, deserves and cherishes the time, attention and love that you give, to someone who is fully taking advantage of you. In 2017, people drained me from all that I had to give until I felt empty. This year, I’m taking all of that back and giving it all to myself and the people who truly appreciate it all, whilst laughing in 2017’s face.

Tips: volunteer, spend time with my loved ones, spend time with myself

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  1. Be bold, be brave and never stop dreaming

The path to achieve my dream job is a long and messy one. It requires years of unpaid volunteer work, which means years of savings to back me up. Hello 2018, my year of money making and saving (made challenging due to my needs of being far away). So, I’ve made the bold and brave decision to move to China, I’ve signed a year-long contract and will be leaving soon to start the next chapter of my life. It doesn’t always have to be so extreme, but never stop chasing your passions. There’s endless amounts of discovery and ways to achieve your dreams.

My goals:

  • Move to a new country
  • Save money to volunteer

Tips: JUST GO FOR IT. Life is too short. Be brave. Go for it all. And realistically, create a savings account, do some research, plan your steps.

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  1. Try new things

Ever seen Jim Carrey in Yes Man? My goal is to be him this year. Obviously not literally, and only to a certain extent, but I want my year to be filled with “oh wells” and “why not’s?” rather than “what ifs”. I want to try everything. And I won’t be scared to fail, which is a lesson I learnt thanks to my great pal, 2017. But, to keep it realistic, my goal is 10 new things. From saying yes to a new food to visiting a new country to trying a new gym class.

My goals:

  1. Joined a gym!                          6.
  2. New job in China                   7.
  3.                                                    8.
  4.                                                    9.
  5.                                                  10.

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  1. Feed the brain

This year, I also vow to keep learning. I want to read more books, I plan to re-start my mandarin, I’d like to blog more, and I want to fill my brain with new things from all over the world. Educate, learn, be productive and stuff the brain. It’s all possible and easier than ever. You’re never too old, or too young, and it’s never too late.

My goals:

  • Update my website and blog more
  • Buy new books to read
  • Cut down Netflix and learn Chinese </3

Tips: Make lists of things you’d like to achieve for daily, weekly and even yearly. Find a book genre that you’re in to, or even watch more documentaries! Research things and never stop asking questions.

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  1. Stay motivated

It’s so hard to stay on track and be inspired when you’re stuck in a rut and life seems to be going wrong on every level. BUT, it’s so important. In 2017, I lost so much focus and inspo that it completely messed me up. Until I found it again. I started reading again, making my lists, getting organised and finding ways to motivate myself again. And now I feel on top form. But just in case…

My goals:

  • Surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you
  • Make lists (like this one) to track progress and give reminders

Tips: Make a power playlist that makes you want to run the world every time you listen to it, remind yourself how phenomenal you are, think about all the greatness you’ve yet to achieve.

  1. LOVE YOURSELF

If you didn’t get the jist already, my 2018 priority is me. I’ve grown, and I’ve changed, and I fully choose myself. All the love, happiness and kindness that I so freely gave out before, I’m giving to myself. Why? Because self-love is the most important kind of love. Because I am going to smash 2018. Because I deserve it all.

And if you’re reading this, you probably deserve it too! Love yourself and love your life HARD. Make some goals, get inspired and make 2018 a wonderful year for you. I am too excited for it all.

Cheers! Here’s to me, you and 2018 🎉

Vanisha

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Follow my twitter and instagram @vanishamay

Why should I give my money to charity?

“While we do our good works let us not forget that the real solution lies in a world in which charity will have become unnecessary.”
― Chinua AchebeAnthills of the Savannah

So, a few days ago my friend showed me this…

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It’s been circulating the internet and people are obviously all riled up from it (including me!). Although it’s clearly from a credible source, and Facebook is rarely full of fake news, I thought I’d help put some things into perspective and try to justify it for all those who were so bothered by these stats (including me!). This might be a bit more ranty than usual but the whole thing has been driving me bonkers even if the statistics are completely made up. I did some research, I did some reading, and here are my 5 points explaining why these stats deserve more thought…

  1. Steve Jobs had a net worth of $10.2 billion. That’s 793 times more than Christian Aids CEO salary. Doesn’t make you question every time you buy a new £700 mobile phone though does it?
  2. Stockbrokers in the UK earn an average of £133,868 a year. So, put that into perspective when you think about how much the CEO of Oxfam should earn. The top dog of Oxfam who has a worldwide team who help support, manage and run the organisation that fights for equality and the reduction of poverty, actually gets paid less than a stockbroker from London.highc
  3. It might be surprising that Save the Children who work in 160 countries, have 160 offices with thousands of people working worldwide for them and for the millions of children that they help every day. So, although they are charities, they are also organisations who provide much needed jobs for people, who believe it or not, deserve to get paid for their extremely hard and much needed work. And it’s not easy, they don’t just spend all your money on themselves. That’s why people like me, who want to help change lives and work with these amazing charities too, must spend years in education followed by years of unpaid volunteering before my CV will even be looked at when applying for a lower-level paid job with UNICEF. Do you have to volunteer unpaid at EE for three years before working with Apple? Nah, yet here we are buying £15 chargers off a man who is getting paid £8.87 in that starting position, and questioning whether we’re gonna give £10 to the British Red Cross.
  4. Why are we even questioning about the money we give to charities? Of course, not every single penny is going to go directly in to the mouth of a hungry refugee child in South Sudan, unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. But when people are suffering even slightly, when even a penny from a pound might change someone’s life, why would we, us people in the western world who don’t question our £45 dress from Topshop, question donating cash to charity?
  5. And you know what? If you still have a problem with it, don’t give money. Go out and make a physical difference with your own hands. 

I know it seems like a lot of money, and to most of us, we’ll never earn £240,00 a year, but when you consider the facts, the work involved and compare it to other high-earning jobs then it’s not so shocking at all. In an ideal world, the pay gap wouldn’t be so outrageous, and charities wouldn’t even exist because no-one would be starving, or suffering with cancer. But here we are, with the world’s top 8 richest men earning more than half of the world’s earnings put together, and Wayne Rooney kicking his ball around whilst raking in £250,000 per week.

And although there are many arguments (some of which I question also) regarding the ethics of charities and how well their work is actually implemented, the chances are that unless you’re attempting to change things yourself, the only option left for you is to do nothing and not give. Not giving at all is much worse than giving a tenner and hoping that at least half of it goes to someone in need. If you’re having second thoughts, then do your research. Look in to the different charities, look in to where your money is best invested, and look in to how they actually aim to make a difference. You can keep that all in mind next time you’re giving your hard-earned cash to charities.

a useful link about how to give donations more wisely >>>> http://time.com/money/4118017/charity-donations-giving/

Rant over, deep breaths, go do some good in this world.

Thanks for reading!

Vanisha

X

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25 things I’ve learned in 25 years

So, while you’re all sleeping, or partying or whatever it is you get up to on a Friday night, I’ll be turning 25 (yay!?). And although it seems like I’ve truly hit my quarter-life-crisis stage, there’s no denying that I have had a wild and very interesting 25 years so far!

 

From moving countries, to graduating with a first and realising my passions, to living by myself, and volunteering around the world, to passing my driving test, and experiencing so much of the planet and the people on it. I’ve had such amazing highlights considering the first few years I was in nappies!

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But of course, there have been not-so-fun times like bad jobs, bad travel experiences, a sad childhood and meeting a good handful of bad people! So, after 25 years of living, walking and talking, here are my 25 things I’ve learned in 25 years…

 

  1. Fortunes favours the bold and the brave

Doing things that scare you will benefit you. Netflix and chill is great but you’ll have nothing to look back on if you just sit indoors doing the same old. Do something that scares you once in a while. My best experiences have been my biggest life changes, they were risky, scary and completely new to me, but they changed my life for the good. Take that risk. Be bold. Be brave.

  1. On love…

5 things under my life lessons on boys… (and I’m still learning, and I could go on!) 1. Actions speak louder than words. If he says he likes you but only makes the effort to see you once a month on a night-out, then get rid and do better. 2. Love doesn’t last forever and neither do the sad times. 3. Find someone who loves your mind just as much as they love your body. 4. Most boys aren’t worth your tears. Learn to let go and realise when things aren’t meant to be. Don’t text back and don’t text him. There’s better to come! 5. Always have hope. I’ve had my fair share of absolute jokers, but I do believe (just about!) that there is such a thing as a good, and single man. Wherever he might be.

 

  1. Be an enthusiast!

There were a few times I doubted how much I loved everything but talks with my best friend made me realise how special it is that we just love everything! The littlest things make me so happy and it takes a lot to bring me down or make me even slightly sad. Being negative and hating everything isn’t cool and actually affects your outlook on life. Life is full of exciting things! Live positively. Celebrate it. And don’t be afraid to show it.

 

  1. Travel

The world is an incredible place full of beauty and wonder and non-stop exploring. I’ve had no regrets about spending most of my adult life savings and spending time on travelling. It opens your mind, heart and life to life-changing experiences and people. Travel is always a clever idea.

  1. Trust yourself and your abilities.

When I was at school, I never thought I was smart enough or capable of going to university or even doing A-Levels. So, I didn’t until 4 years later when I was braver and more hopeful. And I graduated with a first-class honours degree with 3 years of high marks and good assignments. Trust yourself more. You are capable, and you can do almost anything if you just put your mind to it.

  1. Always be grateful.

We are extremely fortunate for the lives we have. If you’re reading this, that means you too. Cherish it all, the ups, the downs, the bad and the good. Life is an absolute gift.

 

  1. Be open to anything

Live life with open arms, an open mind and an open heart. Just because something is new, doesn’t mean it’s dangerous or bad. Just because you’ve been hurt before, doesn’t mean you’ll get hurt again. Be open to the unknown, you’ll miss out otherwise!

 

  1. Giving is better than receiving

“True compassion lies in what you can do for someone else” (Olivia Benjamin). You never know the impact you might make on somebody and their life. There’s always room to give and ways to give. You can give your time, spare change or a smile. Knowing that I can help people and give my love and life to them in so many different ways, brings me an abundance of happiness and purpose.

  1. Love

Life is all about love. The times I had the least love and gave out the least love were my unhappiest times. So, learn to love yourself, love this life and seriously, ‘love thy neighbour’. We all need love and the world needs more of it!

 

  1. Be kind always

People appreciate my kindness. And I remember when people are kind to me too. It makes a huge difference to a soul, to receive kindness, no matter how undeserving that soul might be. I’m leaving this now to Roy…

 

“A random act of kindness, no matter how small, can make a tremendous impact on someone else’s life.”

 

“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.”

 

“Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness in people.”
― Roy T. BennettThe Light in the Heart

 

  1. The importance of following your dreams/ doing things that matter

Find your passion and fully go for it. Finding your purpose and doing something that matters with your life is the best feeling ever. Even if it could take years to fully achieve that dream, it’s so good to know that you’re on the right path. I’m fortunate to have a dream that could really make a difference to the world and to have the opportunities to pursue it. Never give that up.

  1. Have patience

Patience truly is a virtue. There’s going to be times in life where you want to lash out or where you have little time for the person in the queue in front of you, but being patient is one of my best learnt attributes and has helped me so much in life. Luckily, it takes a lot to test my patience and because of that, I can put up with an awful lot without it affecting me!

 

  1. Be good to you

Mentally, physically and emotionally. Be good to your mind and your body. And if things aren’t okay, that’s okay too. It’s okay to be sad and down in the dumps sometimes. Relax. Stop and take time for yourself. I definitely learned that one this year!

 

  1. You are who your friends are

Every friend brings something different to your life. I’ve recently learned that. I’ve got a great bunch of gals that really bring out the best in me and make me realise what’s important, and who I am. If you don’t have good friends, then bun them and go make some better ones. Good friends are good for the soul.

 

  1. Educate yourself at every opportunity

“Everyone knows something that you don’t” and whether you’re 7, 25 or 89, there will always be something to learn about. Education changes lives and minds over and over again. For westerners reading this, it may seem trivial, but my education is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m so blessed to know all that I do even if my maths skills are still pretty shocking.

 

  1. Quit

I spent almost two years in a job that I hated every single day. My biggest lesson from that was that I should have quit. Hate your job? Quit. Don’t like where you live? Move. Not happy with life? Change. Unhappy in love? Leave. Things change, feelings change, and life goes on. That includes yours. It’s okay to quit if it’s not right.

 

  1. Be curious and ask questions

You’ll never know unless you ask! And never be afraid to ask. Asking questions expands your mind, gives knowledge and gives power. Ask that guy for his number, ask your mum for help and ask for a bigger promotion. Just ask.

 

  1. Being authentic

Social media is a small snippet of highlights in people’s lives and the example I’m gonna use for now. Don’t compare, don’t feel pressure and be true to you always. Trickier today with the role of social media etc, but a big lesson I’ve learned is that it’s okay to admire other people, however, they are not you and you are not them. And you are amazing so just stick with you.

  1. Read more books

There’s an endless amount of knowledge and excitement that comes from sheets of paper. I barely read until about five years ago and some of the books that I’ve read since have made me laugh, cry, hope and change the way I think completely. Seriously, go to the library or click on amazon and get a book today.

 

  1. Unplug and switch off

Put your phone down and look at the world around. Or read a book. Or have a real conversation. It’s so easy to get hooked on our electronics that sometimes we miss what’s happening around us. Scrolling through Instagram all night won’t improve your life. Go get inspired.

 

  1. Work hard

It’s good for your employer, it’s good for you and it’s good for your bank account. If you hate your job and you cba every day, then quit. Go find a job that you love then work hard at that. And stay humble about it too.

 

  1. It’s okay to say no/ stop saying sorry

I’ve learned to say, “thank you so much for waiting” rather than “sorry I kept you for so long” because there’s just no need to apologise for every little hiccup in my life. Plus, I’m not always sorry! Similarly, I’ve learned to say no more often. Not because I’m a mean person, but because it’s okay to not say yes and do everything all the time for everyone. In fact, I could probably say no more!

 

  1. Be as wild as you want, but be wild

Life is short. Tell your loved ones you love them often. Go skinny dipping in the Philippines. Order that double cheeseburger. And jump out of that bloody plane. I know too many people who regret the things they haven’t done in life. I have no regrets, I’ve done everything I’ve wanted so far and intend to carry on that way. Dare to be wild. YOLO.

 

  1. Be conscious

Before you speak, before you buy, before you do lots of things, ask yourself; will this improve my life? Will this benefit others? Think of the planet, consider people’s feelings and think of the consequences of your actions. I could definitely improve some things in my life still, but I hope I leave a more positive mark on the planet than a negative one!

 

  1. Smile! And be happy

Do whatever it takes to live a life that you’re proud of. Do things that make you happy. And if you find that you’re not happy, change it. And always smile. Smile for your exes, smile to a stranger, and smile because you’re alive.

Thanks for reading as always guys! My blog is another big achievement and something I used to be scared about, but I love writing and I love you all for reading it!

So, thank you!

Vanisha

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Follow me on instagram @vanishamay