24 year-old single girl seeking a fun time with her girls, with a few drinks and a night on the dance floor.
Not much too ask right? And the last few times I’ve been in a club have been just that, but with the addition of multiple guys acting like complete sleaze dogs to not just me and my friends, but to most of the other girls around us too. Sexualisation, misogyny and disrespect are as common on the dance floor as the dab. I for one, am so tired of guys grabbing my butt instead of shaking my hand. Offering to buy me shots instead of asking to buy me dinner. Asking to take me home, before even asking my name…
WHATS GOING ON?!
Perhaps I’m overreacting or perhaps it’s not spoken enough about but here are 3 recurring problems complete with horror stories after conversations about what it means to be a girl in a club…
Some of these guys have this ninja talent (especially in London’s tiger tiger) of somehow sneaking right up behind you, then acting all nonchalant like you two been grinding all night when you turn around out of shock horror that a stranger could even be that close to you. Personal bubble. You are in my personal bubble. How did you even get there. Get out right now.
The dance floor is not a space where all laws and social norms stay outside. If I walked past you in primark would you lift my skirt up? No. So why do you think it’s okay for your hand to creep up my leg in a club without my permission or even without my awareness that again, you’re so bloody close to me.
Boundaries, learn it people. Come up to my face, not my behind.
Ego. It’s funny, and it’s probably alcohol induced with a hint of the macho man attitude but some of these guys think they’re actual gods on a night out. No fear. He’s gonna talk to me, my friend, and them four girls at the bar. Lol no shame. Then he’s gonna ask for my number. I say “no thanks”. He asks “why? Do you have a boyfriend?” Ha ha ha I’m thinking brilliant. The only time it’s okay to talk out loud about my imaginary boyfriend. “Yes, yes I do, he’s waiting for me outside”. But this dude is relentless, again no shame and has an ego bigger than Everest. He says “ahh that’s cool b we can be friends, does your boyfriend allow you to have friends, we can go out for dinner as friends, unless he’s the type that don’t let you have friends, let’s exchange numbers as friends”. Lol is this happening, are you really doing this. I have a boyfriend (as far as he knows) and I said NO. Why is that not enough? Why are you still winking at me? Stop.
Ratio. I’m not sure why tiger tiger has 17 men for every girl and toyroom seemed to have the complete opposite, but in both cases it was a huge problem. Either you were surrounded and hounded by guys or you were put out like cattle for sale and the guys got to choose which ones to prey on and which girls to cast aside. It seems like common sense for clubs to get an even ratio but no. And it’s a definite contributing factor.
I’m not sure why these are even issues in 2017 but clearly we still have a long way to go with drawing the line on harmless flirting and friendliness to actually being violated and harassed in clubs. The dance floor is a place where misogyny, power conflicts, disrespect and sexualisation still exists. I hope one day that a night out will be without these worries and annoyances. Maybe teaching in schools about boundaries, relationships and what could be harassment and uncomfortable for some people could be an idea? I don’t know, all I do know is that no matter what club you’re in, this attitude is everywhere, and from now on I’m telling these dudes that the guy on the left is my boyfriend…
Let me know your thoughts and experiences are from any perspective!
Thanks for reading 🙂